I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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