hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Two words: nipple clamps
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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