Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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