I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
