Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
