My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
