my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
