I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
