Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
