eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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