he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
