I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize