What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So vagazzling was a success
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
