We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize