Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
