I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize