After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
