Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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