I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
