Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
