please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
