i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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