the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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