Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
