I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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