oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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