I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
