Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
