headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize