I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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