I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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