tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize