Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
