just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize