just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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