Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
