I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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