Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
