Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
