I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
