is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
