dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
