GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
