im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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