There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
