Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
