Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
