I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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