Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
