My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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