fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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