Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
