we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
