I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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