Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
