I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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