the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
