dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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