I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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